2004-06-06
it's finished
it makes me angry that people don't see things the way that i do.
amy is ruining her life. after each inhalation it's just that much worse. i hate her. is that statement still true even if it really hurts to say it? amy, i hate you for what you are doing to yourself. we're not friends anymore. friends have common interests and ways of relating. we have none and you're too self-centered for us to relate. just because you make me laugh like no one else can doesn't count. because you also make hurt like no other friend has before. because of what you do to yourself. i hate you.
i don't understand people. ben you are so utterly screwed up. i love you but i hate how you are living. you've been a great friend to her, haven't you? i hope your mom finds out what you've been doing and that you are ashamed. i don't care that you guys don't want me to shove my fucking red ribbon in your face i'll do it anyway. it's not peer pressure is it ben. everyone knows how damn alone you are. you have no place and you exile yourself even more through your ever-conscious homosexuality bull. of course it's peer pressure. you just want to be accepted and this is what it took. you're such an asshole, you and your screwed up life. how can we be friends? you demonstrated that you need me, and i love have you around when everything is happy-go-lucky with us. but i can't stand you right now. the way you're treating her makes me sick. it's lousy friendship.
why can't you people just be normal?? you're ruining everything. i feel stabs everytime i think that you and amy are rebelling from your lives and parents with some goddamn bong in your hands. the pain that you couldn't come to me. you just couldn't ask for the help. i would have been there for you dammnit i would have! this is not some teenage experimentation phase don't pull that shit on me, you guys are seriously ill.
amy we're not friends. these tears won't prevent me from saying that. i hate you. i hate what you do to yourself and the mess you made. and fuck rachelle too. i can't take it.
stop hiding behind drugs. take a stand in your life for once, it looked so beautiful. just like you amy, so beautiful. this hurts. and i know the pain i'm feeling about it isn't even a fraction of yours. but i don't respect you anymore, at all. this isn't a fight we're going to make up at lunch time. remember how that used to go when we were 9? we would always forgive each other before we ate. not anymore. i can't forgive you for what you've done to yourself. but i can deal with myself. i can deal with that i don't need people in my life that are going to blindly live the way you do without even trying to change it, or letting me help them. it's finished.
leesah-likes at 5:06 p.m.